If people don't like you or if you have a consistent
experience that feels sharp, pointy or draining with a friend - I give you
permission – in case you are not - to relieve yourSelf temporarily of your good
manners (just put them to one side) and take a good hard look at two things:
A. Why your 'friend' (and we could insert family member or
partner here too) feels the need to download on you or bring you down.
B. Why you are allowing it to happen.
Because here is what I have learned. Someone once labelled me a 'people pleaser' and I felt it was a very negative judgement. I worried about what was wrong with me and after a while of investigating mySelf I realised the lady who called me that was a negative person and was challenged by the fact that I liked people and people liked me.
She was not a people pleaser, she was a grumpy lady. Not to
everyone. To me. Nothing I did was going to please her - she wasn't WIRED for
it.
Ejecting her from my field eased my field immediately.
I continued to do nice things for people and eventually
realised that she had given me a gift.
My boundaries weren't strong enough and I was an over-giver.
Giving to a person whose hobbies include ungrateful fault finding is not
necessarily helping them or you. I had the right to be who I was and she had
the right to be who she was. If she could label me - I would not label her, but
I could certainly define her role in my life. Name calling isn’t nice, but
definition gives you a platform to work from.
It was ok for me to let her own her own bad manners or
grouchiness. And I could step back from it. Maybe she might learn from it too,
maybe not, but - and this is crucial here - her learning was not my
responsibility or any of my business. Neither was helping her. 
In ejecting her from my field I had exercised my right to be
selective over the good manners which were causing me to believe that I should
remain nice while she was being awful. These were simply my programming and beliefs disempowering
me.
Once I stood up and said “Hey Honey – that’s not my stuff” I
discovered my internal compass worked better. Another gift. See how this works?
And several years on, I can bless her for her gifts. They helped me discover me.
So do you have someone who challenges you that you could take another look at?
Are you doing your ‘duty’ sticking around them, when you could just let them own it, deal with it – or not and be free to be yourself?
Can you catch yourself raining on someone else’s parade and stop and investigate what your real issue is?
Are you no longer a vibrational match for the friends around you?
As you grow in your spirituality you will find friends leave your life. It doesn’t mean you don’t still love them, it just means it’s time for you to broaden mutual horizons and have different experiences.
Don’t cling, bless and allow. See all the gifts.
Holding on tightly is not attractive, flogging a dead horse is a horrid metaphor for a pastime and banging your head on a brick wall will only give you concussion.
As one door opens, another door closes and another door opens…
Just remember you are either bitter or better - never both, so if you can still growl without being objective you have some more blessing to do. And you haven't picked up your gift yet.
Walk forward in love, as you know when one door closes another door opens…
Blessings,
Deb x
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