Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The gift negativity brings...

Hot on the heels of all the kindness fountain that sprang forth from me yesterday is a little dabble with 'what we put up with' from negative people.

If people don't like you or if you have a consistent experience that feels sharp, pointy or draining with a friend - I give you permission – in case you are not - to relieve yourSelf temporarily of your good manners (just put them to one side) and take a good hard look at two things:
A. Why your 'friend' (and we could insert family member or partner here too) feels the need to download on you or bring you down.

B. Why you are allowing it to happen.
Because here is what I have learned.
Someone once labelled me a 'people pleaser' and I felt it was a very negative judgement. I worried about what was wrong with me and after a while of investigating mySelf I realised the lady who called me that was a negative person and was challenged by the fact that I liked people and people liked me.

She was not a people pleaser, she was a grumpy lady. Not to everyone. To me. Nothing I did was going to please her - she wasn't WIRED for it.
Ejecting her from my field eased my field immediately.
I continued to do nice things for people and eventually realised that she had given me a gift.

My boundaries weren't strong enough and I was an over-giver. Giving to a person whose hobbies include ungrateful fault finding is not necessarily helping them or you. I had the right to be who I was and she had the right to be who she was. If she could label me - I would not label her, but I could certainly define her role in my life. Name calling isn’t nice, but definition gives you a platform to work from.
It was ok for me to let her own her own bad manners or grouchiness. And I could step back from it. Maybe she might learn from it too, maybe not, but - and this is crucial here - her learning was not my responsibility or any of my business.  Neither was helping her.

In ejecting her from my field I had exercised my right to be selective over the good manners which were causing me to believe that I should remain nice while she was being awful. These were simply my programming and beliefs disempowering me.  
Once I stood up and said “Hey Honey – that’s not my stuff” I discovered my internal compass worked better. Another gift. See how this works?
And several years on, I can bless her for her gifts. They helped me discover me.

So do you have someone who challenges you that you could take another look at?
Are you doing your ‘duty’ sticking around them, when you could just let them own it, deal with it – or not and be free to be yourself?
Can you catch yourself raining on someone else’s parade and stop and investigate what your real issue is?
Are you no longer a vibrational match for the friends around you?
As you grow in your spirituality you will find friends leave your life. It doesn’t mean you don’t still love them, it just means it’s time for you to broaden mutual horizons and have different experiences.
Don’t cling, bless and allow. See all the gifts.
Holding on tightly is not attractive, flogging a dead horse is a horrid metaphor for a pastime and banging your head on a brick wall will only give you concussion.
As one door opens, another door closes and another door opens…
Just remember you are either bitter or better - never both, so if you can still growl without being objective you have some more blessing to do. And you haven't picked up your gift yet.
Walk forward in love, as you know when one door closes another door opens…
Deb x

Friday, July 6, 2012

Breaking away from what you know

It's a hard thing to do.
Breaking away from what you know sometimes involves a leap of faith that is just too hard for people to comprehend.
Maybe they have been raised in an environment of fear and to them, the fear is so overwhelming and prevalent in their lives and in their emotional field, that it feels like they are unable to do anything else.
As to separate themselves from what is known is like taking poison.
I have had experience when healing - of offering the chance of complete release to people and seeing their struggle to hold on to the way they have always done it - from fear of reframing their existence.
What if? What if they accept this gift called life and it turns out to be just another bum deal?
What if?  What if they try out a new way and it doesn't serve them?
Always it's judgment that prevents the leap of faith, so it's very important to support them to a space where they can come to understand that the judgment is merely an idea and ideas can be dismissed.
There they find peace and we have a release.