"Deb why do you use a capital S in the word yourSelf?"

Moana asked why when I write, do I use a capital S in the middle of the word ‘yourSelf.’?

Thank you for your question Moana – I’m sure a few others have wondered, so here goes…

I do it because Self is so important. And while I am running around ‘mermaiding’, Free hugging people, doing healing, writing, etc I am indulging my Self. My identity is coming back.  I am free.

Society would have us blend in, conform, follow rules, it steals our identity, tells us that we are not to talk about ourselves, that we are not special, we shouldn’t hope for too much, stick to the grind, be on the treadmill, eat this, take these pills, listen to that….
Bugger that I say - too much herd of sheep mentality for me.

When I am working with someone (healing) I find they often don’t know who they are.

Their parents are stuck in their bodies, the weight of the world is on their shoulders, the monkey is on their backs, they are working for ‘the man’…  Their Self is nowhere to be found.

Like me – a few years ago when someone once asked what brought me joy? - they can’t answer.
 (I cried because I forgot I was real and mattered, and I couldn’t answer the question.)

But - if you pull all that rubbish out and off with healing then…?

Their Self is rebirthed – gifted back to them, they have their ‘Aha’ moment and realise they are right there and have been all along, just hidden under false layers. Energetically they were so bogged up with heaviness, crappy beliefs and rubbish that they could not walk forward. No wonder people get ‘stuck’ – and I know – I have had personal experience of not wanting to be on the planet, not wanting to take responsibility. I’ve had life ache.

So I use a capital S because ‘Don’t be selfish’ is one of the most personally disabling statements you can make to someone. Including You.  

In order to not appear selfish people stay stuck – in crappy lives, bad relationships, horrible jobs, visit rotten friends or family members out of duty* because they are pressured to not follow what their bodies are screaming to them. “This job is toxic, this person is toxic, this life is toxic…” the body reacts by falling down, breaking down and THEN people get mad with themSelves for being sick or broken. So Self was ignored, abandoned and lost and now Self is suddenly the bad guy?

Where is the nurturing and where is the love? – it all goes everywhere else.

Most people are not Selfish – they are Self Abusers. And some are almost scared of Self.  Your self would say – “I don’t want to go visit my mean sister.” Which creates a problem. What if you then

had to make a change?

Self wants to speak the truth. Self is power.  Many people find power daunting. What if you said “Well actually I don’t want to come and see you. I feel awful in your presence and relieved when I leave.” Would someone else have to improve their lives - or miss out on you? Who squashes your joyousness, yourSelf and why? Why do you let them?
Don't tell me it's easier - I will tell you it's toxic. Think about why and what you trade yourSelf for.

Could you do it? Could you be Self-ish - honour yourSelf? And avoid unnecessary toxicity in your life? Where are you not listening to Self and how could you be empowered if you did?
How bad would it be if you stood up for yourSelf? To you, and to others? What other people think of you is none of your business.

Examine 'I Must, I Should and I Have To' every time it comes out of your mouth. See if you can ignore the inappropriately and rather insidiously named 'voice of reason' that limits yourSelf, and do what you feel is best and honouring you.

Practice listening and see what happens...

*duty takes people to other countries to blow each other up and is to be avoided at all costs...

(c) Deb Wharfe 2012