Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Todays Rant: Love, Engagement, Light & Magic...

Todays Rant...

Deepak Chopra is amazing - listening to him just kickstarts all my stuff and inspires me to write more. A lecture he gave in Tagore yielded these notes:
Just 20% of people in the world are in jobs they love.
If people are ignored by the boss at work - their rate of disengagement is at 40%. If the boss criticises them, the rate drops to 20% - meaning they respond better to criticism than being ignored. If they are praised it goes right down to 1%.

The source of these figures is a Gallup World Poll. (Deepak is one of the Gallup scientists)
So I started thinking about how this would affect love relationships.
Because I am an ex ‘sports widow’ that has lived the experience of being ignored.
One of the last times I watched Oprah (about 15 yrs ago) I saw Dr Phil on her Show.
He had a couple with him and the man was complaining about his wife and their bad relationship.

He said she had let herself go and was fat and unattractive and they weren't having sex. 

She said she felt like he didn't care, she was just the machine that ran the house etc and she didn't feel attractive so sex wasn't really on her list, she was too stressed out.

Dr Phil asked her when her husband last told her she was beautiful. She couldn't remember.

So he gave them homework. Daily - even though the husband didn't feel that way and she would think it was rubbish, her husband was to look into her eyes and tell her she was beautiful - for a month and then come back to the Show. That was it.

They came back.

He was holding her hand and the light was shining out of her. He couldn't stop smiling.
She looked radiant and amazing.

They had done their homework.

The first few days felt like lies and they weren't engaged with it. Slowly but surely they both secretly realised they were looking forward to it. Then one day (on about day 24) they just cried and held each other. They had found their way home.

She had lost weight too – her wall had come down and her heaviness had lifted.
And of course they couldn’t get enough of each other.

Did you notice my use of the word engaged?

Magic is there for us in the moment we engage with it.

When people fall in love and get married – engagement is more than a time for a ring - it's a description of how they are with each other. When they get married, some people disengage.

But the clever ones don't.

About 5 years ago a lady came to me and said she had no magic in her relationship, her life was hard and she was unhappy with her husband. I asked if she thought he might try a little exercise. She said he might, so I asked her to work with this…

 “To me you are beautiful and I see the whole world in you.”

They did it. She came back beaming. It’s so, so, simple.

A closed person in a relationship is closed also to themselves.

There is a reason why they don’t feel joy or a reason why they don’t want to feel joy.

A spirit can be squashed or broken, it’s not anyone’s fault, it just is what it is. For a moment of time that spirit needs healing, coaxing, kindness and to be held in the palm of a hand filled with love.

It’s all about shifting focus. Shifting energy. And sometimes it’s all about courage and compassion - we are never the sum of our worst acts, we are fluid and we rest in between our life experiences, the worst acts, and the fullest potential. We can only draw from within that which we are willing to experience, or indeed that which we believe we are worthy to experience. This is also true of others.

This means our ‘vision’ for ourselves, for others and for our relationships, friendships, family and love must be carefully nurtured to include the vision of wholeness and wellness. Even in the moments when they seem to be hanging by a thread. Because nobody is really broken, even when they feel like they are. Even when, if viewed by ‘society’, they would be judged as broken.

We know there is no such thing as ‘normal’ – that its just a description of a statistically derived idea, however plenty of people call themselves normal, and they judge others, from that (very shaky) platform.

Who has a right to judge when each spirit on the planet is crying out for honouring and for love?

All acts of unlove are calls for love. Can you be in a space to see this?  

Can you create or bring forth and be the light to illuminate the way for yourself and others?

Even when you are tired?  Even when you want more for yourself and it seems like everyone around you just wants it their way? Can you reach in and find the reserve inside and know that the light you hold within is supported by others; that all light really is joined and you are just suspended in a matrix of gold? There really is no separation. We are all in this together.

If you want something changed… you change it.
Change the way you see it. Change the way you react to it.
Change how you hold it in your perception.

Nurture it. Engage. (if you don’t know where to start – see me)

Two months ago another lady came to me and said her husband was boring and her relationship wasn’t magical anymore. I asked her to consider whether or not she was making it magical.

She wasn’t.

It’s up to someone, one person or both can take the wall down.

If you engage with yourself you also make your own beauty and magic. If you engage with others, you enhance theirs. And if you are willing to see magic and light where there is pain and suffering, then you become a bridge of grace and healing. A torch in the fog. A creator of miracles. A way for other souls to get home.  

And magic is where it’s at. I’m not talking about pulling rabbits out of hats. No it’s MUCH more wonderful, more miraculous than that. Light infuses everything – if you let it.

We sometimes forget to. And that’s why I’m here.

With much love, miracles and endless helpings of grace,

Deb x

If you want to know more about your power to change everything around you, come to my Show – ‘In Love and Miracles’ it’s on Dec 13th at The Rose Centre in Auckland, New Zealand.  I will not only talk about it - you will experience on the spot examples of it.

Tickets are now available on Eventfinder (thats www.eventfinder.co.nz )and selling fast. 

What do people say about my Shows?

 “Don’t stop now, we just want you to keep going.”
(I sometimes have to tell them to just GO HOME)


“Deb, that was incredible. I learned more in an hour and a half of experiencing you than I have in a whole year at my regular class. You made that so real and I felt all of it. I’m blown away.”

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